I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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