I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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