so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
