I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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