***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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