Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
