He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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