I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
