yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
