nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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