He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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