Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
