I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just invented taco cereal.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
