They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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