i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
