you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
