it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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