My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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