I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
