Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
