But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
