Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
