my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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