I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
