im about as happy as oj after his trial
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
