i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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