The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
