u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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