I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
