so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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