I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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