You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
