Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
