You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
