I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We have started to decorate penises.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
