So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
