Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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