My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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