It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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