I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
