Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
