Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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