Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
