You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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