you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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