I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
