So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
