Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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