Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm having to shit out rocks
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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