Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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