If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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