Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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