am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
