Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
