Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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