if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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