Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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