You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
