so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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