Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
