I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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