I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
