Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
