Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
