you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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