Sacagawea was the original milf.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize