i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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