Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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