Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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